“You might some freaking patience if you shut your mouth and let me work!”
Missing the word "learn" after "might".
who represented his stories as a vision of the humanity’s future.
Don't need "the".
but to your mistress-to-be, they sounded more like a plan than anything else she had heard.
“For years, she was his tool, in every sense of the word.
but without Sha-Man’s eccentric ‘vision’ to guide her any more, she was able to put it to better use.
Extraneous commas in all three of these, following "mistress-to-be", "For years" and "any more".
“She’d also learned a very useful skills from the old coot: how to weave a web with words and electronic connections, how to send strands out into the world that would catch hold of just the right flies.
Missing a word before "very useful", probably either "few" or "couple". Also seems to be missing an "and" in front of "how to send strands".
Terribly intriguing. I wonder a bit if "Sevenger" was just a slip of the tongue or not, the frisky darkwell cop. A background for Webmistress that makes entirely too much sense... It's like John Norman, only backwards. ... and of course much better written. In fact... nothing at all like John Norman, but it's how I see Sha-Man One, in my head. E
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alexandraerin) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
ae_stories,
February 23 2009, 12:18:33 UTC 3 years ago
Typos
an awfullot ofMissing a space
February 23 2009, 13:24:30 UTC 3 years ago
Typo
along with piles wrecked machinerypiles of?
February 23 2009, 17:48:08 UTC 3 years ago
Re: Typo
That's one I was going to mention too.Missing the word "learn" after "might".
Don't need "the".
Extraneous commas in all three of these, following "mistress-to-be", "For years" and "any more".
Missing a word before "very useful", probably either "few" or "couple". Also seems to be missing an "and" in front of "how to send strands".
April 9 2009, 04:04:27 UTC 3 years ago
Re: Typo
You might some freaking patienceis still there as a typo. :D
February 23 2009, 16:32:48 UTC 3 years ago
E
February 23 2009, 18:31:37 UTC 3 years ago
Loathing like self-loathing like
No loathing I know